Posted in Dating, Family, parenting, relationships, Uncategorized

Blending 

      People say blending families is hard and man, they were not joking! If only it was as easy as the Brady bunch with all the children well behaved and seemlessly getting along. 

       N is almost 11, an only child whose mother was never present and left two years ago. He was raised by a single father, J. B aka Love bug is 5, an only child raised by her single mom (me) for 4 years. 

       When we first got serious the kids were happy and we thought “hey! This is gonna be easy!” Then we moved in together and all hell broke loose. 

      They were each fairly well behaved for us respectively, however if J attempted to parent B in any easy at all, even a simple “please don’t do that” it was world war 3. Likewise N was rude and disrespectful to me the minute J left each day. 

      We recognize they have had a lot of change in a short period of time. B and I moved into their 2 bedroom apartment with them, N left to Phoenix and was then kept by his mom starting a custody battle, we got rid of a dog that became aggressive and got a puppy, we moved into a house, we got N back, both kids started school, all in a 5 month time span. Any adult would even have a hard time adjusting to that!

         N came back in August, and they started school a few days later. They have both been in therapy a month now. J and I had to really change how we parent to adapt to our new family dynamic. We had to understand a step parents role is different than that of a biological parent, we had to give them some space to express their feelings, to work thru their losses and gains. 

         We are focusing on what we have, on saying everything in a positive light such as instead of “don’t swing your fork” saying “please set you fork on your plate.” We have been discussing the children and consequences privately and presenting a united front.

     Are we perfect? Hell no! We have days we loose our ish and yell at the kids or at each other, days where we collapse after they go to bed and talk about selling them, days where a glass of wine is needed even though it’s only 10a (hey it’s 5′ o clock somewhere!) 

        As the days and weeks go by we are figuring it out and settling in, we have more happy cooperative days than not. Time is magically when blending a family. Remember your child has had you from their first breath and learned your expectations with you, these new flaky members are not going to be family in a day, a week a month, hell maybe not even in a year but it will get easier!

Advertisements
Posted in Dating, life, relationships, Uncategorized

I said Yes

     Sometimes you say you will never do something again, like get married. Then right in the middle of your ordinary life a fairytale starts to unfold; you just have to be willing to open your eyes and see that it may not be the fairytale you thought it would be, or the kind you read about as a little girl. 

     Instead, a real life fairytale. One with trials and tribulations, when with challenges that make you stronger her and hard times that bring you closer together. 

        It was the Monday after Mother’s Day, after a great Mother’s Day. I had a volleyball game so I dropped love bug off to spend the night with grandma. I was covered in sand and sweat, dressed in my team shirt, and volleyball shorts, my messy hair pulled up in a blue bandanna. I ate Taco Bell as I drove home, music blaring. I called J on my way and he cut me short saying he was working on my website and wanted to get it finished before I got home. 

       I parked and was annoyed the door was locked as I fumbled for my keys, balancing my wallet, phone, gallon of water and mango tea. I opened the door to find the living room lit in candles, music playing and a sweet fragrance filling the air. 

        J took my stuff from me and hugged me. I told him “hold that thought, I’m going to shower real quick”.  thinking he was setting the stage for romantic hanky panky. He led me over to the table 


With Tim McGraw’s My best friend playing in the background he got down on ine knee and aske sme to be his wife. My heart skipped a beat 

I’m terrified of getting married again, not the actual marriage part but of it failing and yet I’m oddly calm and confident it’s forever and it’s right. He makes me so crazy and so happy at the same time that I don’t want to be sane ever again. 

Posted in Family, life, parenting, relationships, Uncategorized

Kidnapping 

      Summer….. a time for friends, where kids take over the neighborhood smelling of sunblock and chlorine, dropping in sweat wreaking havoc with nurf gun wars and water fights. 

      N was supposed to go to V’s for the summer however given her recent behavior and refusal to give us a plan for him for the summer we decided that’s instead he would go to J’s mom’s house for the summer with his cousin. After two weeks up there V asked if she could have him for the weekend for her moms birthday and he really wanted to go so J said okay. J then agreed N could stay for a while longer. Phone calls with N became few and far between, and he was rude on the phone. 

      Finally summer was drawing to a close, N had a dentist and therapy appointment and 3 weeks to settle in before the start of school. We loaded up with Lovebug and made the drive to the agreed going place to meet. When we got there however, N was not there, nor was V. Instead a process server served J with custody papers. We called the police but because there was no parenting plan or custody agreement in place they said there was nothing they could do. As we drove home our hearts were heavy with sadness, fear, anger and we were very concerned for how this was going to affect N. 

V may legally be his mother and according to the law have had the right to keep him but to pull a child from his entire life as he knows it, to take him from his home, his school, his family and friends and community where he is established, That is kidnapping. 

Posted in Dating, relationships, Uncategorized

Women are crazy

I went out with some friends for G’s birthday, dancing and drinking. L a Michelle Rodriquez esqu female caught my attention. (I’m not gay but have been with a woman or two)

We hit it off right away: drinking, laughing and dancing the night away. She asked me out for dinner the next day which turned into a sleepover. I don’t see how lesbians can be lesbians! I ended up very frustrated as she lacked the equipment that I was used to and craving. We seemed to have a lot in common and a good chemistry so I thought maybe it was because it was different and I just needed to get used to it.

She very quickly became overwhelming. She wanted to know where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing All. The. Time. I mean every time I left my house she wanted to know. I told her I wasn’t interested in a relationship and was just looking for friends. She said okay.

We didn’t see each other for three weeks and spoke here and there randomly but always casually. One day she messaged me that she was in my neighborhood and was I home. Okay I live out in a corner of town at the base of a mountain, no one is ever just in my neighborhood. I responded I wasn’t home but at the ER with my daughter then became busy with the Dr.

We had to go thru the waiting area to go to X-ray and L was sitting in the waiting room. She said she figured I could use a coffee. She then proceeded to ask my daughter if she was hungry and did she want pancakes. Not willing to crush my excited child we went to IHOP where she proceeded to ask my daughter if she wanted to go sledding. I decided I’d talk to her later and not cause a scene in front of my child.

The next day L texted and asked if I could take pictures sat if we went sledding , when I inquired as to what she said family pictures of the three of us. Ummmmm WTF!!!! I set stalker girl straight and learned an important lessson; women are crazy!

 

 

Posted in Family, life, Uncategorized

Is this Love

E was another fitness guy into working out, nicely built. We met online and chatted for a while though I didn’t think anything would come of it because he lives two hours away from me.

March 12, after 4 weeks or so of chatting My daughter was staying at grandmas so I accepted a last minute date from T; He stood me up. Right about then I was like eff it I am child free and feeling adventurous I’ll drive to Phoenix.

I texted E and it almost didn’t start. He was a bit put off that I had been stood up, thinking I had put him in line. I explained it was a last minute date, and I honestly was unsure cause he was in a different city. He said I surprised him by being honest and he would come down.

I killed time at Dunkin Donuts before meeting him at my old hole dive bar stomping ground. I was instantly attracted to him.  He was more a pretty New York Bronx boy, with a heavy chain around his neck, and diamond studs in both ears.  We had shots, played pool, laughed and talked and tried to dance but shots of patron …. Need I say more. Yes we stayed the night together and the next morning not only did I not regret it, I wanted more.

We talked and texted throughout the week. I made arrangements to have an entire weekend to myself. I drove up Friday arriving way early due to excitement and anticipation. After sitting in a parking lot for over two hours, unable to find an single hotel in his city we decided to drive back to mine,  get a room and get drunk. We stayed until Sunday afternoon, leaving only to go next door to circle k and to grab food once. That weekend is where dreams come from, what movies are inspired by. We spent very close to the entire weekend naked, watching movies, he played his guitar for me, we talked, snuggled,had mind blowing amazing sex, more than I thought was even possible in one weekend. We just couldn’t get enough of each other, couldn’t stop touching each other. We talked about what if I am the one he’s going to marry, would I like to go to New York to meet his mom down the road,  maybe he should move or I should move to be closer together.!Sunday left me with a feeling of longing even before he left, and the moment we went our separate ways his presence was missed. He has been the first thought in my mind each morning as I am greeted by his good morning texts, the last each night as I drift to sleep wishing I was in his arms.

Things continued much like this for the next six month, mostly staying at my house but occasionally staying at a hotel in his city.  Then things started to shift. I knew he had fallen for me and I was crazy about him yet his behavior, actions and words were not matching. He seemed to pull away a bit, didn’t want to do anything with my daughter. There was some lies that came to light, some weird behavior. I chalked it all up to he was scared. We went to six flags for my birthday and had an amazing weekend. I went out of state as did he to visit our families. Upon returning he showed up very late and left very early the next morning. I tried to talk to him but it didn’t work very well. I wrote him a letter addressing my concerns, what I wanted and needed. A few days later I was in a bad car accident and lucky to be alive. That weekend he bailed on coming to see me and it came out that he was put off by my letter, felt backed into a corner and he didn’t like it. After a few more brief conversions he ended things.

We talked briefly over the following 7 weeks, usually short and pleasant “How are you doing?”, “Hows work?” I missed him and had feelings for him but accepted things and moved on. I started dating again. Life was good.

Then out of the blue E texted me and the weirdest conversation of my life took place. Basically he wanted to know if I had slept with anyone, was I okay with him sleeping with someone else and so on….Eventually I realized he was fishing and he told me I was right and deep down he loved me, and he was scared. He said it would be great to see me again said he hated the drive down and was seeing someone. He asked me what I thought of it and offered to send me a picture. It turned into a great conversation such as I’d have with an old friend but left me with mixed emotions, angry that he threw this on me now, angry he wasted what could have been great. What could have been because I don’t know if I will ever forgive him for hurting me the way he did, and I don’t know if I could ever trust him to not run when things get hard. Also because I’ve realized he can’t give me what I want, or what I need. He’s the only person I’ve ever met who makes me feel like a stranger to myself.

Posted in parenting, Uncategorized

Really, you’re tired??

H looked at me very stunned when I told him to shove his tired where the sun dont shine after he complained he was sooo tired and that I don’t understand because I get to stay in bed until 9 every day, Never mind that I am non stop from the time I get up until the time I go to bed (See my what did you do all day post) let me tell you about my night last night , and the last two weeks or so.

At 8pm we sat down to watch a movie thinking love bug would nurse and fall asleep. She played happily until 8;15 at which time she started biting me and fussing. After nursing I gave her a teething ring, her fussing escalated to screaming in pain and frustration. I offered her many different things to bite and put teething gel on her but none of it worked. I finally took her outside for a walk. Calmed down  I came back in and attempted to follow the movie which had been playing the entire time. She immediately began fussing again so I gave up and took her to bed.

At 9:45 she was finally asleep. Thinking  H would load the dishwasher I stayed in bed with her and played on my phone. At 10;30 finally relaxed and ready to sleep I closed my eyes just to be startled as I was falling asleep by H coming to bed, he Had to kiss love bug which woke her up so she wanted to nurse again. I lay there nursing, irritated by his snoring for the next 20 minutes.

When Love bug rolled over and went to sleep, I settled into a more comfortable position, apparently my moving sent some signal to the cat that I was ready to pet her because she started frantically meowing at me as she sat just out of my reach. I wiggled down to reach her and pet her before she woke up the baby. As my eyes were drifting shut again my bladder began to protest. I crept out of bed and went pee.

While I was gone Love bug decided she needed more space and the cat took my place in bed. I squeezed into the space between the edge of the bed and the cat which prompted her to start meowing again this time waking up the baby who wanted to touch the cat. The more love bug touched the cat the more the cat meowed which made love bug want to touch her even more. Can you see the problem here?

Now love bug was wide awake and wanted to play while daddy snored away, completely oblivious. At  2am she went back to sleep and I was finally able to get some sleep…… but that would be too easy!

At 3:30 Love bug wanted to nurse again. While nursing she pooped. When I got her up to change her she was burning up so I took her temp to find she had a 102 fever. I gave her Tylenol, went pee and rocked her back to sleep. I settled into bed just as H’s alarm went off. Though Love bug slept thru him getting ready, I could not. Promptly as he left his sons alarm went off. At 8am the house was finally quiet and I got another hour of sleep before love bug was up for the day.

And imagine my delight when I stepped in cat puke not once but twice on my way to find my kitchen full of dirty dishes!

For those wondering about the fever, we did go to the Dr and love bug has an ear infection.