Posted in friends, life, Travel

Viva las vegas

     This afternoon finds me laying in bed watching tv, my legs feel as if I ran a marathon, my stomach churns at the thought of putting anything in it other than water, my eyes fight to stay open. This is the aftermath of 3 nights in Vegas. 

       A rather last minute business trip mandated I venture to Vegas for the first time so naturally we had to make it a full experience. R and I flew out Wednesday afternoon after I got my hair done and covered my lovebug in kisses before leaving her at my moms house. Dressed in a slinky black top, leather leggings and knee high boots we started the trip with cranberry & vodka on the plane. 


       We stayed at Polo towers which  is a great location! Above is the view from the living area of my suite. Below is the view from and of the roof. 

  After a quick stop at the hotel we walked over to v theater to see Zombie burlesque and Marc Savard, giving me my first taste of the strip.  I enjoyed Zombie Burlesque and then volunteered to get on stage at Marc Savards show. I thought it was not working as I sat there amongst 20 something people concentrating on what he was saying. The next thing I know he was shaking my hand and thanking me for participating. I returned to my seat thinking I had fallen asleep only to realize there was just two people left on stage, and I was holding a giant penis sucker. After the show people came up to me telling me Great job and giving away bits and pieces of the show which I had no recollection of.  Last night I watched several of his shows on YouTube and was mortified that I may end up on there for all the world to see. We ended the night early after some pizza. 

     Thursday was a relaxed day as it was pretty quiet in Vegas so we spent the morning at Circus Circus then the rest of  the day exploring, checking out casinos, shops and sights, tasting chocolates and drinking room temperature drinks as we walked the freezing cold strip.

       Friday I started the day with Starbucks hot chocolate and fireball, and a giant peanut butter chocolate cupcake from Hershey’s before heading to Ross to buy tennis shoes. As good as my heeled boots look they are made for all day walking in! Then onto the stratosphere where I turned into a popsicle on the rides. I donned a super stylish  jumpsuit and a harness before making my way up to the top of the stratosphere and being strapped into some cables that looked as if they would never hold let alone stop me from smashing into the giant bullseye below as I jumped off a tiny plantform arms out like super man and my face covered in what I’m sure was the biggest smile I have ever had. My feet hit the ground as I burst out laughing already wanting to do it again. 


   

The stratosphere was followed by more drinking, some pool, dinner with more drinks and a show called zoomanity. I was completely enthralled, my eyes riveted to the stage from the girls in the fish bowl to the little person flying they the air. I highly recommend this show! (It is sex based) 

     Walking back to the hotel we stopped when we smelled pot looking around and a man quietly said I got some. $20 later with a nice green ball in my pocket we were buying a pipe which we smoked on the patio 18 floors above the strip before stoned and drunk we hit the town for our final night in Vegas. 

Posted in friends, life

Hitting Bottom

When it rains it pours but in my case It comes with thunder, lightning and tornado’s too!

I was in a difficult job, running a home side by side with an adoptive mom of 7 high needs children. When my job duties and schedule changed without discussion or warning we had a falling out which led to her firing me. Actually she used the term “letting you go” as if that would be somehow not as hard to swallow. So I did what any sane person would do and went on a two week road trip, cross country, with my parents, and my 4yr old all IN THE SAME CAR!!!!! We survived.

A week after we got home love bug and I went to the car wash to wash, wax, vacuum, and Armour All my beloved Tahoe which had just taken us on the road trip. On the way home I was making a left hand turn and another vehicle tried to run the light hitting us at 45 mph then flipping over my car. My front end pushed in, the firewall buckled, the steering column shattered, the steering wheel pinned my thigh and the air bags went off. Everyone said had I been in a smaller vehicle I’d have died. Had I been 4 feet further into the intersection my daughter would have died.  We were lucky to walk away. All she had was a bruise on her cheek and a few nightmares, a fear of going in the car for a week or so. I tore two muscles in my shoulder, separated several ribs from my sternum, a hairline fracture in my thigh, as well as one in my collar bone, lots and lots of bruising and stiffness.

Four days later E broke up with me. He didn’t like that my near death crash changed my perspective on life in general and I called him out  on his feelings.

On Christmas day I said goodbye to my fur baby of 22 years as she passed in my arms.

I thought I was at rock bottom. I was hurting physically and emotionally. I felt broken and all I wanted to do was hide under my covers and cry. But I have a child so life goes on, and hey it cant get any worse right……

A few days later A, a male best friend of mine told me I wasn’t there when he needed me, that he had made the mistake of thinking he could count on me and I bailed. He said he was in Love with me and thought we could remain friends but that I pulled away because I was falling apart made him realize he couldn’t be my friend.

I’ve stopped asking or thinking what else could go wrong because the universe has shown me there is always more!

 

Posted in Family, life, Uncategorized

Is this Love

E was another fitness guy into working out, nicely built. We met online and chatted for a while though I didn’t think anything would come of it because he lives two hours away from me.

March 12, after 4 weeks or so of chatting My daughter was staying at grandmas so I accepted a last minute date from T; He stood me up. Right about then I was like eff it I am child free and feeling adventurous I’ll drive to Phoenix.

I texted E and it almost didn’t start. He was a bit put off that I had been stood up, thinking I had put him in line. I explained it was a last minute date, and I honestly was unsure cause he was in a different city. He said I surprised him by being honest and he would come down.

I killed time at Dunkin Donuts before meeting him at my old hole dive bar stomping ground. I was instantly attracted to him.  He was more a pretty New York Bronx boy, with a heavy chain around his neck, and diamond studs in both ears.  We had shots, played pool, laughed and talked and tried to dance but shots of patron …. Need I say more. Yes we stayed the night together and the next morning not only did I not regret it, I wanted more.

We talked and texted throughout the week. I made arrangements to have an entire weekend to myself. I drove up Friday arriving way early due to excitement and anticipation. After sitting in a parking lot for over two hours, unable to find an single hotel in his city we decided to drive back to mine,  get a room and get drunk. We stayed until Sunday afternoon, leaving only to go next door to circle k and to grab food once. That weekend is where dreams come from, what movies are inspired by. We spent very close to the entire weekend naked, watching movies, he played his guitar for me, we talked, snuggled,had mind blowing amazing sex, more than I thought was even possible in one weekend. We just couldn’t get enough of each other, couldn’t stop touching each other. We talked about what if I am the one he’s going to marry, would I like to go to New York to meet his mom down the road,  maybe he should move or I should move to be closer together.!Sunday left me with a feeling of longing even before he left, and the moment we went our separate ways his presence was missed. He has been the first thought in my mind each morning as I am greeted by his good morning texts, the last each night as I drift to sleep wishing I was in his arms.

Things continued much like this for the next six month, mostly staying at my house but occasionally staying at a hotel in his city.  Then things started to shift. I knew he had fallen for me and I was crazy about him yet his behavior, actions and words were not matching. He seemed to pull away a bit, didn’t want to do anything with my daughter. There was some lies that came to light, some weird behavior. I chalked it all up to he was scared. We went to six flags for my birthday and had an amazing weekend. I went out of state as did he to visit our families. Upon returning he showed up very late and left very early the next morning. I tried to talk to him but it didn’t work very well. I wrote him a letter addressing my concerns, what I wanted and needed. A few days later I was in a bad car accident and lucky to be alive. That weekend he bailed on coming to see me and it came out that he was put off by my letter, felt backed into a corner and he didn’t like it. After a few more brief conversions he ended things.

We talked briefly over the following 7 weeks, usually short and pleasant “How are you doing?”, “Hows work?” I missed him and had feelings for him but accepted things and moved on. I started dating again. Life was good.

Then out of the blue E texted me and the weirdest conversation of my life took place. Basically he wanted to know if I had slept with anyone, was I okay with him sleeping with someone else and so on….Eventually I realized he was fishing and he told me I was right and deep down he loved me, and he was scared. He said it would be great to see me again said he hated the drive down and was seeing someone. He asked me what I thought of it and offered to send me a picture. It turned into a great conversation such as I’d have with an old friend but left me with mixed emotions, angry that he threw this on me now, angry he wasted what could have been great. What could have been because I don’t know if I will ever forgive him for hurting me the way he did, and I don’t know if I could ever trust him to not run when things get hard. Also because I’ve realized he can’t give me what I want, or what I need. He’s the only person I’ve ever met who makes me feel like a stranger to myself.

Posted in Dating, life, relationships

Mike Rowe

M was a Mike Rowe duplicate, former dancer with the Wild boyz, owned his own house and car and business. He was sweet and charming. We had great conversation and a lot in common, he had a job, a house and seemed normal.

Until I sent him a banned sprite video and he lost his mind, dropping the N word. It came out that he was racist against every race including his own! I told him that’s like someone calling him a crackers to which he replied white trailer park trash is the worst!! He said what if my daughter grows up and brings a “N”  home or is a lesbian; how could I sit there and tell him I’d be okay with it.

I also learned he only eats once per day so as to maintain his high school weight and expects his partner to maintain her exact weight by any means necessary. He feels it is find to tell her not to eat certain things, to order food for her and make fun of her if she gains any weight at all.

Thankfully he was cool with it when I said peace out!

 

Posted in Dating, life, relationships

Irish 

What a crazy few days!!! It’s been an eye opening roller coaster for sure.

At the urging of a friend I joined tinder. I started chatting with and after a few weeks met Irish. After two weeks of dating and things seeming too good to be true he said he had to go go to San Antonio for PTSD treatment. He is active duty military so it didn’t seem odd to me at he time. I then received a text from him friend of his telling me he was struggling with K, the love of his life who died when they were in a car accident. He was pinned and watched her bleed to death when she was thrown from the car.

So Irish continued to text me telling me about K, what he was working on in therapy, and how he was doing. I continued to cheer him on.

Something in me was quietly saying that something was not right.

Because I’m a woman and curious I looked up his ex wife on Facebook to see what she looked like. I was a bit shocked when it said she still lived in town and not Florida as he had said. I was even more shocked to find they had moved into that house together in 2012 and she had changed her cover photo to one of him this past November. I thought maybe I was mistaken on when they had gotten a divorce, maybe she still wanted to be with him. Yet there was this feeling in the pit of my stomach.

So  I created a fake Facebook profile based off one of his friends who had a public page and friend requested him. He accepted it instantly.

It was right there: married. He had also checked into multiple places the last few days in town. I was pissed, and in shock.

I felt sick as I drove to his house and waited for his wife to come home. I introduced myself to her and asked to speak to her about Irish, and told her we had been dating.  Over the course of our 3 hour conversation I learned he had  lied to me repeatedly. I confronted him via text, then in person side by side with his wife. She and I had lunch the next day and I learned even more of the lies he had told me.

Basically every word he had said to me starting after hello was a lie. He claimed he did have PTSD and was being treated in town, though his wife did not know about it, and that he was filing for a divorce. His wife had met him at 18 and never heard a word about K, or a car accident though oddly enough his cousins ex wife’s name is K and irish had been pinned in a car accident with his wife though she was not thrown from the car. We met privately that night as I demanded answers and he had none to give me. He said he wasn’t thinking, had not planned it out. He said I made him feel alive, and it was not meaningless.

Meanwhile he was telling his wife I was just a fling and he had no intention of staying in touch with me. He didn’t realize we were talking until she called him out on it.  After a good nights sleep, and talking it out several times with a trusted friend or three the fog lifted and the emotions died. I was interested In who I thought he was and that person doesn’t exist. I texted him that I’m done and want nothing to do with him. That I forgive him because I’m not willing to carry this with me or allow it to hurt me. I told him I hope he really does get help, grow a pair and learn to be honest and stop effing with people’s emotions and life’s.

Update; A week later we learned about a girlfriend he has been seeing for a few months, oddly named K! And a few weeks after that we discovered yet another girl named C. While his wife and I have  become Friends I have had no contact with him and am very glad that it’s not my drama.

Posted in Dating, life, relationships

Dating 

So I took the plunge and posted a dating ad. It was comical and entertaining. It’s how I met J so when he bailed out I thought I’d try again. I reposted the same ad. I’ve learned a few things and thought I’d share them.

First someone is out to get me. A friend suggested it’s J. Maybe someone doesn’t like my ad, or women who know what they want but in any case my ad keeps getting flagged and removed.

Apparently people who smoke pot do not consider it a drug. My ad said no drugs yet I have gotten multiple responses from guys who smoke pot.

You have to be VERY specific. Around my age apparently means 15 years older. I am not attracted to Hispanic men means as long as you don’t look Hispanic it’s okay. Please include a picture means send me a picture of your abs or your package. Single means as long as she doesn’t know. Please have a job means be a drug dealer, on unemployment or social security. I’d like to be friend first means send me a paragraph about yourself and let’s hook up tonite, or better skip the paragraph and let’s just hook up!

I’ve had men respond who have: 12 kids, asked if I could pick them up if they asked me on a date because they don’t have a car and one who lost his liscence for too many dui’s, have had their child taken away by cps, believe a woman should be his to use as he sees fit in bed, wanted to know if he could watch me with other men and one who was not comfortable with me living with my ex so would I move in with him while we were dating.

I have heard stories but thought that stuff only happened on tv!!