Posted in Dating, relationships

New Years kiss

      New Year’s eve found me talking to several guys but still single so I decided to go out dancing at the last minute with a friend of mine. One of the guys that I was talking to, J, was also going dancing so we decided to meet up.

     I saw someone walk by twice who I thought with him and though he looked at me he didn’t say anything to me so I thought I was mistaken or that he had decided he didn’t want to meet me.

      No hard feelings, he is not the type I normally go for anyway, and it was New Year’s so I was determined to have fun with my friend as it was the first time I had ever gone out for New Year’s eve. I stuck my phone in my pocket and didn’t think anything else of it so I was surprised when he came up to me and asked me if I was A. I balanced the night talking with him, talking with some new people that we made friends with, and dancing with an old friend of mine. At midnight we shared a quick kiss and I was disappointed he didn’t grab me and really kiss me but we had just met. As the night wore on and I talked to him more he caught my attention by keeping me laughing and making me feel very at ease around him. When the night ended and it was time to leave we (me, him and my friend) went to Denny’s where we started The new year by dining and dashing. The service sucked, and we spent about 15 minutes standing at the register to pay while multiple employees walked by us, some going outside to smoke and not a single one said a word to us. After a few minutes of joking about it we left the the bills and a tip on the counter and walked out, laughing hysterically. I dropped my friend off and without asking him, or giving him a choice I decided he was coming over to watch a movie with me. We spent the rest of the night until approximately 5:30 that morning snuggling on the couch and watching a movie. It was an incrediable change of pace from the typical guys just wanting to get into my pants. I was a little disappointed though when he didn’t make any move at all, and thought maybe he wasn’t into me. 

      There have been a few small things here and there that I didn’t like, for lack of a better word, however he was very responsive to it. I teasingly gave him crap that he needed to clean and he did, when I told him that I felt like he was hiding under baggy clothes and a beard and that I wondered what he would look like more closely trimmed he did so the next morning. I was impressed with how receptive he was to my opinions, and that he was not offended by them.

      I feel very shallow, and it actually kind of makes me feel like I am a horrible person because: He is a chubby and not that into health and fitness. I have fallen off track since I was in a severe car accident but I am getting back in my groove as it’s very important to me and it is something that I want to continue for the rest of my life. I do not have an issue with people who are overweight at all and I understand that there are many different reasons that people get there and I myself have been there. My hesitation comes from: I have been there and I don’t ever want to be there again so I’m concerned that if I settle down with someone who is not big into health and fitness that I could end up going down a road that would lead me to be incredibly incredibly miserable with myself once again. 

      Fast forward five weeks: we have talked every day and seen each other most of them. I have gotten very attached to his Son, N. He watched my daughter and had a tea party with her and his niece, while her mom and I took N to the mall. W’ve had game night, a girls night with his sister, Several meals out and at his place and two sleepovers with our kids. He, his son, my daughter and I all snuggled up in his king size bed for the night with his dog and I have to admit it was heaven being snuggled up by two children and this man I’ve grown very attached to. I thought I was done with children and it wasn’t in the cards for me but he has me rethinking that. 

      His son N, is ten and so sweet. He’s s great kid and I can see he’s been crushed by his mom who doesnt makes choices in his best interest much like love bug’s bio dad which breaks my heart. He asked me to help him do laundry one day so he could get me alone to ask me a few questions and tell me how he is feeling: a conversation he will not share with his dad and has asked me not to. He has snuggled me and requests goodnight hugs when I’m there at his bedtime which melts my heart. 

      Back to J, He makes me laugh, makes me feel a comfort I have never had with someone especially this quickly. He is a graphic designer among other things and very talented at it. He is an amazing father and sooo incrediable with lovebug, not put off by her attitude or or tantrums. He has a huge heart and these amazing blue eyes. I feel the weight of the world slip off when I’m in his arms. He makes me feel beautiful, wanted and special. I feel like I could talk to him about anything and no matter what I said he wouldn’t judge me or make me feel stupid. He’s adventurous, affectionate, treats me so good and the sex….oh the sex. We have a fabulous chemistry and sex is fun like it’s supppsed to be, focused on enjoying each other instead of the finish. Last night I spent the night with him just wrapped up in his arms all night, immensely content before he left to work leaving me to sleep in. It’s the first time in as long as I can remember that I was alone with a guy and sex wasn’t part of the night. After getting a bit faded we ended up laughing uncontrollably, naked, while he stood in the shower and I sat on the floor armed with a pair of trimmers nerve rackingly (to him) trimming his package while he insisted I could not blog about it. 

      He is the only person who knows me and knows my blog. I let a few hints slip and after some searching he found it but claims he has not read any of my posts. I’m not sure how I feel knowing he could read anything I write, past, present or in the future. Being anonymous allows me to be brutally honest, to write whatever I want. His reading it, if he chooses to do so, would give a glimpse that others don’t get. 

     I know I tend to let emotions lead and jump in too soon so I’m trying to take it slow. Telling him that seems to confuse him as it’s hard to explain. Slow as in I’m keeping my emotions reined in until I’m 110% sure, as in let’s not talk about a future together just yet, or make long term plans or commitments but take it a day at a time and enjoy every minute of it because I have learned just like with life in general time is precious and you always wish you had slowed down and lived it instead of being so focused on the future. Where this will lead I don’t know but for now I’m loving being in like. 

Posted in Dating, parenting, relationships

From friends to lovers and back again 

   I met T when I was 15, thru his roommate & my best friend who were dating at the time. Over the following months we became inseparable. I was devastated when my parents announced just shy of a year later that we were moving across the us. 

       T and I wrote letters regularly (yes an actual hand written letter, shocking I know!) and called whenever we could. (Long distance calls were not free) After two months of asking my parents, they gave me the green light to move out. T showed up two weeks later with a giant stuffed tweety bird riding shotgun in his nova towing a tiny trailer which we loaded with all my belongings and off we went back across the us. 

    We shared an apartment with two of his friends until we could afford to get our own place. I worked full time, while finishing high school online. T taught me to drive & took me for my liscense, neither of us could cook so we lived on TV dinners, frozen meals and ramen noodles. 

      After almost three years together I was sitting on the bathroom counter and he asked me to marry him then took me to pick out a ring. We eloped in a church with him in a tux and a cathedral train on my formal gown. He was my best friend, my rock. The first one I wanted to share news with be it good or bad, the one I couldn’t wait to come home to and wake up next to everyday. We bought several houses together, investing blood sweat and tears, to sell it a year later for a big profit that we invested into the next home, each one bigger than the last. A move across the country and back, the loss of two pregnancies, acquiring two cats and two dogs along our 13 year journey. 

      We landed in a house that I worked very hard, not to flip, but to make our home. I spent hours contemplating and picking out the perfect colors of paint, and making it just right. I painted a beautiful ocean themed room with sparkling sand, and crisp blue water that was to be our child’s room. The subject of which drew a wedge between us, a distance we both felt but were helpless to stop until one night what bagan with me in puddle of tears begging him to help me understand turned into harsh words we couldn’t take back, as hearts were shattered along with our marriage. 

      We didn’t speak for two years other than to sort out lingering bills, message happy birthday, wish the other merry Christmas. We saw each other a few times, the hardest when I was 4 months or so pregnant and the silence hung painfully between us. After my daughter was born we slowly, rockily found our way to friendship. 

      When love bug’s dad and I split up we became roommates. T picked up the pieces her dad dropped, filling the promises he broke and became the daddy I always knew he would be. It was bittersweet watching this man I had loved so deeply and wanted so desperately to have a child with fill the role all this time and heartbreak later. 

       He is the best friend I could ever ask, and an even better father. He unfailingly is there for me and for lovebug so maybe things really do happen for a reason.  


Posted in Dating, friends, parenting, relationships

A pampered life

      I met R online as seems to be how I meet everyone lately. He owns a promotions company that supplies prizes and giveaways to radio stations, employee rewards for different companies and is part owner of a handful of business’. 

        We quickly reaslized the benefits of working together; I’m apparently great at marketing, closing deals and have great ideas while he treats me whatever I want; sushi, VIP passes to concerts, and fun trips like Vegas. 

      His marriage has been rocky for a while now, and the discovery of his wife having an affair recently was the final straw. Some of my friends think that I should go for it with him as there are worse things than being a spoiled and pampered wife; Driving a nice car that is paid for, going to the gym, eating at nice restaurants, cruises and amazing vacations, and not having to work. Having married for love before and having it failed the idea crossed my mind because it would be an amazing life for lovebug….. 


      There is no romantic or sexual chemistry or connection with him. Maybe because I’m a hopeless romantic, or maybe because I have hope I still believe in love. I’d also be setting an example for lovebug to marry for the wrong reasons, to settle, and to give up. Honestly I’m not ready to give up yet. 

Posted in Dating, relationships, Uncategorized

Women are crazy

I went out with some friends for G’s birthday, dancing and drinking. L a Michelle Rodriquez esqu female caught my attention. (I’m not gay but have been with a woman or two)

We hit it off right away: drinking, laughing and dancing the night away. She asked me out for dinner the next day which turned into a sleepover. I don’t see how lesbians can be lesbians! I ended up very frustrated as she lacked the equipment that I was used to and craving. We seemed to have a lot in common and a good chemistry so I thought maybe it was because it was different and I just needed to get used to it.

She very quickly became overwhelming. She wanted to know where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing All. The. Time. I mean every time I left my house she wanted to know. I told her I wasn’t interested in a relationship and was just looking for friends. She said okay.

We didn’t see each other for three weeks and spoke here and there randomly but always casually. One day she messaged me that she was in my neighborhood and was I home. Okay I live out in a corner of town at the base of a mountain, no one is ever just in my neighborhood. I responded I wasn’t home but at the ER with my daughter then became busy with the Dr.

We had to go thru the waiting area to go to X-ray and L was sitting in the waiting room. She said she figured I could use a coffee. She then proceeded to ask my daughter if she was hungry and did she want pancakes. Not willing to crush my excited child we went to IHOP where she proceeded to ask my daughter if she wanted to go sledding. I decided I’d talk to her later and not cause a scene in front of my child.

The next day L texted and asked if I could take pictures sat if we went sledding , when I inquired as to what she said family pictures of the three of us. Ummmmm WTF!!!! I set stalker girl straight and learned an important lessson; women are crazy!



Posted in Dating, relationships

In another liftime

T was great looking, a weight lifter with a fantastic build and a slight bad boy look. He was smooth, charming, and full of cheesy jokes that always kept me laughing. His sexual skills earned him the nickname Sex God. He had positions that made me question if he read karma Sutra in his free time. He was very affectionate, always touching me,be it rubbing my leg, massaging my foot etc. We had an amazing chemistry and both agreed we had never had this with anyone else.

However, he was hot and cold. He has no sense of time, and commitment issues. He was really into me then disappeared for a few days, he said he’s broken somehow, that the better it gets the more he screws it up. We quit seeing each other when I started dating E. After E & I split we starting talking again. This time around it feels a bit different. He is more focused on me, more sentimental. The sex a slower more emotional pace. I know he has feelings for me but will not commit.  That along with his complete lack of a sense of time, and only working here and there doing handyman jobs means most likely no future.

In another lifetime we’d be great together.

Posted in Dating, life, relationships

Mike Rowe

M was a Mike Rowe duplicate, former dancer with the Wild boyz, owned his own house and car and business. He was sweet and charming. We had great conversation and a lot in common, he had a job, a house and seemed normal.

Until I sent him a banned sprite video and he lost his mind, dropping the N word. It came out that he was racist against every race including his own! I told him that’s like someone calling him a crackers to which he replied white trailer park trash is the worst!! He said what if my daughter grows up and brings a “N”  home or is a lesbian; how could I sit there and tell him I’d be okay with it.

I also learned he only eats once per day so as to maintain his high school weight and expects his partner to maintain her exact weight by any means necessary. He feels it is find to tell her not to eat certain things, to order food for her and make fun of her if she gains any weight at all.

Thankfully he was cool with it when I said peace out!


Posted in Dating, life, relationships


What a crazy few days!!! It’s been an eye opening roller coaster for sure.

At the urging of a friend I joined tinder. I started chatting with and after a few weeks met Irish. After two weeks of dating and things seeming too good to be true he said he had to go go to San Antonio for PTSD treatment. He is active duty military so it didn’t seem odd to me at he time. I then received a text from him friend of his telling me he was struggling with K, the love of his life who died when they were in a car accident. He was pinned and watched her bleed to death when she was thrown from the car.

So Irish continued to text me telling me about K, what he was working on in therapy, and how he was doing. I continued to cheer him on.

Something in me was quietly saying that something was not right.

Because I’m a woman and curious I looked up his ex wife on Facebook to see what she looked like. I was a bit shocked when it said she still lived in town and not Florida as he had said. I was even more shocked to find they had moved into that house together in 2012 and she had changed her cover photo to one of him this past November. I thought maybe I was mistaken on when they had gotten a divorce, maybe she still wanted to be with him. Yet there was this feeling in the pit of my stomach.

So  I created a fake Facebook profile based off one of his friends who had a public page and friend requested him. He accepted it instantly.

It was right there: married. He had also checked into multiple places the last few days in town. I was pissed, and in shock.

I felt sick as I drove to his house and waited for his wife to come home. I introduced myself to her and asked to speak to her about Irish, and told her we had been dating.  Over the course of our 3 hour conversation I learned he had  lied to me repeatedly. I confronted him via text, then in person side by side with his wife. She and I had lunch the next day and I learned even more of the lies he had told me.

Basically every word he had said to me starting after hello was a lie. He claimed he did have PTSD and was being treated in town, though his wife did not know about it, and that he was filing for a divorce. His wife had met him at 18 and never heard a word about K, or a car accident though oddly enough his cousins ex wife’s name is K and irish had been pinned in a car accident with his wife though she was not thrown from the car. We met privately that night as I demanded answers and he had none to give me. He said he wasn’t thinking, had not planned it out. He said I made him feel alive, and it was not meaningless.

Meanwhile he was telling his wife I was just a fling and he had no intention of staying in touch with me. He didn’t realize we were talking until she called him out on it.  After a good nights sleep, and talking it out several times with a trusted friend or three the fog lifted and the emotions died. I was interested In who I thought he was and that person doesn’t exist. I texted him that I’m done and want nothing to do with him. That I forgive him because I’m not willing to carry this with me or allow it to hurt me. I told him I hope he really does get help, grow a pair and learn to be honest and stop effing with people’s emotions and life’s.

Update; A week later we learned about a girlfriend he has been seeing for a few months, oddly named K! And a few weeks after that we discovered yet another girl named C. While his wife and I have  become Friends I have had no contact with him and am very glad that it’s not my drama.