Posted in Dating, relationships

New Years kiss

      New Year’s eve found me talking to several guys but still single so I decided to go out dancing at the last minute with a friend of mine. One of the guys that I was talking to, J, was also going dancing so we decided to meet up.

     I saw someone walk by twice who I thought with him and though he looked at me he didn’t say anything to me so I thought I was mistaken or that he had decided he didn’t want to meet me.

      No hard feelings, he is not the type I normally go for anyway, and it was New Year’s so I was determined to have fun with my friend as it was the first time I had ever gone out for New Year’s eve. I stuck my phone in my pocket and didn’t think anything else of it so I was surprised when he came up to me and asked me if I was A. I balanced the night talking with him, talking with some new people that we made friends with, and dancing with an old friend of mine. At midnight we shared a quick kiss and I was disappointed he didn’t grab me and really kiss me but we had just met. As the night wore on and I talked to him more he caught my attention by keeping me laughing and making me feel very at ease around him. When the night ended and it was time to leave we (me, him and my friend) went to Denny’s where we started The new year by dining and dashing. The service sucked, and we spent about 15 minutes standing at the register to pay while multiple employees walked by us, some going outside to smoke and not a single one said a word to us. After a few minutes of joking about it we left the the bills and a tip on the counter and walked out, laughing hysterically. I dropped my friend off and without asking him, or giving him a choice I decided he was coming over to watch a movie with me. We spent the rest of the night until approximately 5:30 that morning snuggling on the couch and watching a movie. It was an incrediable change of pace from the typical guys just wanting to get into my pants. I was a little disappointed though when he didn’t make any move at all, and thought maybe he wasn’t into me. 

      There have been a few small things here and there that I didn’t like, for lack of a better word, however he was very responsive to it. I teasingly gave him crap that he needed to clean and he did, when I told him that I felt like he was hiding under baggy clothes and a beard and that I wondered what he would look like more closely trimmed he did so the next morning. I was impressed with how receptive he was to my opinions, and that he was not offended by them.

      I feel very shallow, and it actually kind of makes me feel like I am a horrible person because: He is a chubby and not that into health and fitness. I have fallen off track since I was in a severe car accident but I am getting back in my groove as it’s very important to me and it is something that I want to continue for the rest of my life. I do not have an issue with people who are overweight at all and I understand that there are many different reasons that people get there and I myself have been there. My hesitation comes from: I have been there and I don’t ever want to be there again so I’m concerned that if I settle down with someone who is not big into health and fitness that I could end up going down a road that would lead me to be incredibly incredibly miserable with myself once again. 

      Fast forward five weeks: we have talked every day and seen each other most of them. I have gotten very attached to his Son, N. He watched my daughter and had a tea party with her and his niece, while her mom and I took N to the mall. W’ve had game night, a girls night with his sister, Several meals out and at his place and two sleepovers with our kids. He, his son, my daughter and I all snuggled up in his king size bed for the night with his dog and I have to admit it was heaven being snuggled up by two children and this man I’ve grown very attached to. I thought I was done with children and it wasn’t in the cards for me but he has me rethinking that. 

      His son N, is ten and so sweet. He’s s great kid and I can see he’s been crushed by his mom who doesnt makes choices in his best interest much like love bug’s bio dad which breaks my heart. He asked me to help him do laundry one day so he could get me alone to ask me a few questions and tell me how he is feeling: a conversation he will not share with his dad and has asked me not to. He has snuggled me and requests goodnight hugs when I’m there at his bedtime which melts my heart. 

      Back to J, He makes me laugh, makes me feel a comfort I have never had with someone especially this quickly. He is a graphic designer among other things and very talented at it. He is an amazing father and sooo incrediable with lovebug, not put off by her attitude or or tantrums. He has a huge heart and these amazing blue eyes. I feel the weight of the world slip off when I’m in his arms. He makes me feel beautiful, wanted and special. I feel like I could talk to him about anything and no matter what I said he wouldn’t judge me or make me feel stupid. He’s adventurous, affectionate, treats me so good and the sex….oh the sex. We have a fabulous chemistry and sex is fun like it’s supppsed to be, focused on enjoying each other instead of the finish. Last night I spent the night with him just wrapped up in his arms all night, immensely content before he left to work leaving me to sleep in. It’s the first time in as long as I can remember that I was alone with a guy and sex wasn’t part of the night. After getting a bit faded we ended up laughing uncontrollably, naked, while he stood in the shower and I sat on the floor armed with a pair of trimmers nerve rackingly (to him) trimming his package while he insisted I could not blog about it. 

      He is the only person who knows me and knows my blog. I let a few hints slip and after some searching he found it but claims he has not read any of my posts. I’m not sure how I feel knowing he could read anything I write, past, present or in the future. Being anonymous allows me to be brutally honest, to write whatever I want. His reading it, if he chooses to do so, would give a glimpse that others don’t get. 

     I know I tend to let emotions lead and jump in too soon so I’m trying to take it slow. Telling him that seems to confuse him as it’s hard to explain. Slow as in I’m keeping my emotions reined in until I’m 110% sure, as in let’s not talk about a future together just yet, or make long term plans or commitments but take it a day at a time and enjoy every minute of it because I have learned just like with life in general time is precious and you always wish you had slowed down and lived it instead of being so focused on the future. Where this will lead I don’t know but for now I’m loving being in like. 

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