Posted in Dating, relationships

New Years kiss

      New Year’s eve found me talking to several guys but still single so I decided to go out dancing at the last minute with a friend of mine. One of the guys that I was talking to, J, was also going dancing so we decided to meet up.

     I saw someone walk by twice who I thought with him and though he looked at me he didn’t say anything to me so I thought I was mistaken or that he had decided he didn’t want to meet me.

      No hard feelings, he is not the type I normally go for anyway, and it was New Year’s so I was determined to have fun with my friend as it was the first time I had ever gone out for New Year’s eve. I stuck my phone in my pocket and didn’t think anything else of it so I was surprised when he came up to me and asked me if I was A. I balanced the night talking with him, talking with some new people that we made friends with, and dancing with an old friend of mine. At midnight we shared a quick kiss and I was disappointed he didn’t grab me and really kiss me but we had just met. As the night wore on and I talked to him more he caught my attention by keeping me laughing and making me feel very at ease around him. When the night ended and it was time to leave we (me, him and my friend) went to Denny’s where we started The new year by dining and dashing. The service sucked, and we spent about 15 minutes standing at the register to pay while multiple employees walked by us, some going outside to smoke and not a single one said a word to us. After a few minutes of joking about it we left the the bills and a tip on the counter and walked out, laughing hysterically. I dropped my friend off and without asking him, or giving him a choice I decided he was coming over to watch a movie with me. We spent the rest of the night until approximately 5:30 that morning snuggling on the couch and watching a movie. It was an incrediable change of pace from the typical guys just wanting to get into my pants. I was a little disappointed though when he didn’t make any move at all, and thought maybe he wasn’t into me. 

      There have been a few small things here and there that I didn’t like, for lack of a better word, however he was very responsive to it. I teasingly gave him crap that he needed to clean and he did, when I told him that I felt like he was hiding under baggy clothes and a beard and that I wondered what he would look like more closely trimmed he did so the next morning. I was impressed with how receptive he was to my opinions, and that he was not offended by them.

      I feel very shallow, and it actually kind of makes me feel like I am a horrible person because: He is a chubby and not that into health and fitness. I have fallen off track since I was in a severe car accident but I am getting back in my groove as it’s very important to me and it is something that I want to continue for the rest of my life. I do not have an issue with people who are overweight at all and I understand that there are many different reasons that people get there and I myself have been there. My hesitation comes from: I have been there and I don’t ever want to be there again so I’m concerned that if I settle down with someone who is not big into health and fitness that I could end up going down a road that would lead me to be incredibly incredibly miserable with myself once again. 

      Fast forward five weeks: we have talked every day and seen each other most of them. I have gotten very attached to his Son, N. He watched my daughter and had a tea party with her and his niece, while her mom and I took N to the mall. W’ve had game night, a girls night with his sister, Several meals out and at his place and two sleepovers with our kids. He, his son, my daughter and I all snuggled up in his king size bed for the night with his dog and I have to admit it was heaven being snuggled up by two children and this man I’ve grown very attached to. I thought I was done with children and it wasn’t in the cards for me but he has me rethinking that. 

      His son N, is ten and so sweet. He’s s great kid and I can see he’s been crushed by his mom who doesnt makes choices in his best interest much like love bug’s bio dad which breaks my heart. He asked me to help him do laundry one day so he could get me alone to ask me a few questions and tell me how he is feeling: a conversation he will not share with his dad and has asked me not to. He has snuggled me and requests goodnight hugs when I’m there at his bedtime which melts my heart. 

      Back to J, He makes me laugh, makes me feel a comfort I have never had with someone especially this quickly. He is a graphic designer among other things and very talented at it. He is an amazing father and sooo incrediable with lovebug, not put off by her attitude or or tantrums. He has a huge heart and these amazing blue eyes. I feel the weight of the world slip off when I’m in his arms. He makes me feel beautiful, wanted and special. I feel like I could talk to him about anything and no matter what I said he wouldn’t judge me or make me feel stupid. He’s adventurous, affectionate, treats me so good and the sex….oh the sex. We have a fabulous chemistry and sex is fun like it’s supppsed to be, focused on enjoying each other instead of the finish. Last night I spent the night with him just wrapped up in his arms all night, immensely content before he left to work leaving me to sleep in. It’s the first time in as long as I can remember that I was alone with a guy and sex wasn’t part of the night. After getting a bit faded we ended up laughing uncontrollably, naked, while he stood in the shower and I sat on the floor armed with a pair of trimmers nerve rackingly (to him) trimming his package while he insisted I could not blog about it. 

      He is the only person who knows me and knows my blog. I let a few hints slip and after some searching he found it but claims he has not read any of my posts. I’m not sure how I feel knowing he could read anything I write, past, present or in the future. Being anonymous allows me to be brutally honest, to write whatever I want. His reading it, if he chooses to do so, would give a glimpse that others don’t get. 

     I know I tend to let emotions lead and jump in too soon so I’m trying to take it slow. Telling him that seems to confuse him as it’s hard to explain. Slow as in I’m keeping my emotions reined in until I’m 110% sure, as in let’s not talk about a future together just yet, or make long term plans or commitments but take it a day at a time and enjoy every minute of it because I have learned just like with life in general time is precious and you always wish you had slowed down and lived it instead of being so focused on the future. Where this will lead I don’t know but for now I’m loving being in like. 

Posted in Dating, parenting, relationships

From friends to lovers and back again 

   I met T when I was 15, thru his roommate & my best friend who were dating at the time. Over the following months we became inseparable. I was devastated when my parents announced just shy of a year later that we were moving across the us. 

       T and I wrote letters regularly (yes an actual hand written letter, shocking I know!) and called whenever we could. (Long distance calls were not free) After two months of asking my parents, they gave me the green light to move out. T showed up two weeks later with a giant stuffed tweety bird riding shotgun in his nova towing a tiny trailer which we loaded with all my belongings and off we went back across the us. 

    We shared an apartment with two of his friends until we could afford to get our own place. I worked full time, while finishing high school online. T taught me to drive & took me for my liscense, neither of us could cook so we lived on TV dinners, frozen meals and ramen noodles. 

      After almost three years together I was sitting on the bathroom counter and he asked me to marry him then took me to pick out a ring. We eloped in a church with him in a tux and a cathedral train on my formal gown. He was my best friend, my rock. The first one I wanted to share news with be it good or bad, the one I couldn’t wait to come home to and wake up next to everyday. We bought several houses together, investing blood sweat and tears, to sell it a year later for a big profit that we invested into the next home, each one bigger than the last. A move across the country and back, the loss of two pregnancies, acquiring two cats and two dogs along our 13 year journey. 

      We landed in a house that I worked very hard, not to flip, but to make our home. I spent hours contemplating and picking out the perfect colors of paint, and making it just right. I painted a beautiful ocean themed room with sparkling sand, and crisp blue water that was to be our child’s room. The subject of which drew a wedge between us, a distance we both felt but were helpless to stop until one night what bagan with me in puddle of tears begging him to help me understand turned into harsh words we couldn’t take back, as hearts were shattered along with our marriage. 

      We didn’t speak for two years other than to sort out lingering bills, message happy birthday, wish the other merry Christmas. We saw each other a few times, the hardest when I was 4 months or so pregnant and the silence hung painfully between us. After my daughter was born we slowly, rockily found our way to friendship. 

      When love bug’s dad and I split up we became roommates. T picked up the pieces her dad dropped, filling the promises he broke and became the daddy I always knew he would be. It was bittersweet watching this man I had loved so deeply and wanted so desperately to have a child with fill the role all this time and heartbreak later. 

       He is the best friend I could ever ask, and an even better father. He unfailingly is there for me and for lovebug so maybe things really do happen for a reason.  

       

Posted in Dating, friends, parenting, relationships

A pampered life

      I met R online as seems to be how I meet everyone lately. He owns a promotions company that supplies prizes and giveaways to radio stations, employee rewards for different companies and is part owner of a handful of business’. 

        We quickly reaslized the benefits of working together; I’m apparently great at marketing, closing deals and have great ideas while he treats me whatever I want; sushi, VIP passes to concerts, and fun trips like Vegas. 

      His marriage has been rocky for a while now, and the discovery of his wife having an affair recently was the final straw. Some of my friends think that I should go for it with him as there are worse things than being a spoiled and pampered wife; Driving a nice car that is paid for, going to the gym, eating at nice restaurants, cruises and amazing vacations, and not having to work. Having married for love before and having it failed the idea crossed my mind because it would be an amazing life for lovebug….. 

     ………….BUT……….

      There is no romantic or sexual chemistry or connection with him. Maybe because I’m a hopeless romantic, or maybe because I have hope I still believe in love. I’d also be setting an example for lovebug to marry for the wrong reasons, to settle, and to give up. Honestly I’m not ready to give up yet. 

Posted in friends, life, Travel

Viva las vegas

     This afternoon finds me laying in bed watching tv, my legs feel as if I ran a marathon, my stomach churns at the thought of putting anything in it other than water, my eyes fight to stay open. This is the aftermath of 3 nights in Vegas. 

       A rather last minute business trip mandated I venture to Vegas for the first time so naturally we had to make it a full experience. R and I flew out Wednesday afternoon after I got my hair done and covered my lovebug in kisses before leaving her at my moms house. Dressed in a slinky black top, leather leggings and knee high boots we started the trip with cranberry & vodka on the plane. 


       We stayed at Polo towers which  is a great location! Above is the view from the living area of my suite. Below is the view from and of the roof. 

  After a quick stop at the hotel we walked over to v theater to see Zombie burlesque and Marc Savard, giving me my first taste of the strip.  I enjoyed Zombie Burlesque and then volunteered to get on stage at Marc Savards show. I thought it was not working as I sat there amongst 20 something people concentrating on what he was saying. The next thing I know he was shaking my hand and thanking me for participating. I returned to my seat thinking I had fallen asleep only to realize there was just two people left on stage, and I was holding a giant penis sucker. After the show people came up to me telling me Great job and giving away bits and pieces of the show which I had no recollection of.  Last night I watched several of his shows on YouTube and was mortified that I may end up on there for all the world to see. We ended the night early after some pizza. 

     Thursday was a relaxed day as it was pretty quiet in Vegas so we spent the morning at Circus Circus then the rest of  the day exploring, checking out casinos, shops and sights, tasting chocolates and drinking room temperature drinks as we walked the freezing cold strip.

       Friday I started the day with Starbucks hot chocolate and fireball, and a giant peanut butter chocolate cupcake from Hershey’s before heading to Ross to buy tennis shoes. As good as my heeled boots look they are made for all day walking in! Then onto the stratosphere where I turned into a popsicle on the rides. I donned a super stylish  jumpsuit and a harness before making my way up to the top of the stratosphere and being strapped into some cables that looked as if they would never hold let alone stop me from smashing into the giant bullseye below as I jumped off a tiny plantform arms out like super man and my face covered in what I’m sure was the biggest smile I have ever had. My feet hit the ground as I burst out laughing already wanting to do it again. 


   

The stratosphere was followed by more drinking, some pool, dinner with more drinks and a show called zoomanity. I was completely enthralled, my eyes riveted to the stage from the girls in the fish bowl to the little person flying they the air. I highly recommend this show! (It is sex based) 

     Walking back to the hotel we stopped when we smelled pot looking around and a man quietly said I got some. $20 later with a nice green ball in my pocket we were buying a pipe which we smoked on the patio 18 floors above the strip before stoned and drunk we hit the town for our final night in Vegas. 

Posted in Family, parenting

4 yr old demonic teenager 

     Does anyone else a 4yr old? Is it just me or are they pint sized demons testing us to see how far we can bend before breaking?

    The things that come out of my daughters mouth sometimes leave me staring wide eyed, speechless wondering where my sweet little girl who was full of kisses, snuggles & I love you’s just a year ago went.  

       Taking her out of the house is a risk as at any moment she may start spewing green pea soup or laughing maniacally at the mean thing she just said while her head spins in circles and I contemplate how much I can sell her for.