Posted in parenting, Pets

Plus one =3

So it’s finally happened and I have officially lost my mind! We have added another fur baby to the house.

My roommate has Trixie, a large 17 yr old dog who is half blind, half deaf, loosing bowel control and a 16 year old cat. I have Letti, a small puppy who just turned 1. My dad found a 9 week old Australian cattle dog in BFE and I was going to foster him while looking for a home. My roommate decided he wanted to keep him.

Here’s what our days now look like;

The dogs all go out to pee, 5 minutes later there’s a pee spot, while I clean it up one of them poops in the other room and while I clean that up livebug screams cause Riley, new puppy, stole her Barbie doll.

We lock up the puppies and go to the store. We come back and Trixie has gotten into the trash. There is a stream of garbage spread one way across the dining room and the other way across the kitchen; a mix of paper, corn, Powerade, chocolate milk, and trash.  I tell lovebug not to let the puppies out but she doesn’t listen and before I can stop them they are running thru the trash. I’m trying to clean it up with lovebug announces Riley is peeing in the house, I go to clean that up and come around the corner just in time to see Letti slip on the wet floor through a fresh pile of poop. As I’m shoving dogs outside lovebug started yelling from the hallway that she had an accident…. and she wants a baby alive.


Posted in friends, life

Hitting Bottom

When it rains it pours but in my case It comes with thunder, lightning and tornado’s too!

I was in a difficult job, running a home side by side with an adoptive mom of 7 high needs children. When my job duties and schedule changed without discussion or warning we had a falling out which led to her firing me. Actually she used the term “letting you go” as if that would be somehow not as hard to swallow. So I did what any sane person would do and went on a two week road trip, cross country, with my parents, and my 4yr old all IN THE SAME CAR!!!!! We survived.

A week after we got home love bug and I went to the car wash to wash, wax, vacuum, and Armour All my beloved Tahoe which had just taken us on the road trip. On the way home I was making a left hand turn and another vehicle tried to run the light hitting us at 45 mph then flipping over my car. My front end pushed in, the firewall buckled, the steering column shattered, the steering wheel pinned my thigh and the air bags went off. Everyone said had I been in a smaller vehicle I’d have died. Had I been 4 feet further into the intersection my daughter would have died.  We were lucky to walk away. All she had was a bruise on her cheek and a few nightmares, a fear of going in the car for a week or so. I tore two muscles in my shoulder, separated several ribs from my sternum, a hairline fracture in my thigh, as well as one in my collar bone, lots and lots of bruising and stiffness.

Four days later E broke up with me. He didn’t like that my near death crash changed my perspective on life in general and I called him out  on his feelings.

On Christmas day I said goodbye to my fur baby of 22 years as she passed in my arms.

I thought I was at rock bottom. I was hurting physically and emotionally. I felt broken and all I wanted to do was hide under my covers and cry. But I have a child so life goes on, and hey it cant get any worse right……

A few days later A, a male best friend of mine told me I wasn’t there when he needed me, that he had made the mistake of thinking he could count on me and I bailed. He said he was in Love with me and thought we could remain friends but that I pulled away because I was falling apart made him realize he couldn’t be my friend.

I’ve stopped asking or thinking what else could go wrong because the universe has shown me there is always more!


Posted in Dating, relationships, Uncategorized

Women are crazy

I went out with some friends for G’s birthday, dancing and drinking. L a Michelle Rodriquez esqu female caught my attention. (I’m not gay but have been with a woman or two)

We hit it off right away: drinking, laughing and dancing the night away. She asked me out for dinner the next day which turned into a sleepover. I don’t see how lesbians can be lesbians! I ended up very frustrated as she lacked the equipment that I was used to and craving. We seemed to have a lot in common and a good chemistry so I thought maybe it was because it was different and I just needed to get used to it.

She very quickly became overwhelming. She wanted to know where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing All. The. Time. I mean every time I left my house she wanted to know. I told her I wasn’t interested in a relationship and was just looking for friends. She said okay.

We didn’t see each other for three weeks and spoke here and there randomly but always casually. One day she messaged me that she was in my neighborhood and was I home. Okay I live out in a corner of town at the base of a mountain, no one is ever just in my neighborhood. I responded I wasn’t home but at the ER with my daughter then became busy with the Dr.

We had to go thru the waiting area to go to X-ray and L was sitting in the waiting room. She said she figured I could use a coffee. She then proceeded to ask my daughter if she was hungry and did she want pancakes. Not willing to crush my excited child we went to IHOP where she proceeded to ask my daughter if she wanted to go sledding. I decided I’d talk to her later and not cause a scene in front of my child.

The next day L texted and asked if I could take pictures sat if we went sledding , when I inquired as to what she said family pictures of the three of us. Ummmmm WTF!!!! I set stalker girl straight and learned an important lessson; women are crazy!



Posted in Pets

Christmas Goodbye

When I was 16 I moved out of my parents house in Indiana and across the us to Arizona with my high school sweetheart. We lived in an apartment with two male roommates for 4 months finishing out the lease then got our own place.

He took me to a no kill cat shelter and told me to pick a fur baby. We strolled around meeting lots but none stole my heart until we were hesitantly introduced to A beautiful 4 month old tabby. She had been reschsed and was terrified of people. I climbed under a table and pulled her out to see her. She was shaking, her tail between her legs, ears flat, and drew blood across my shoulders as she fled in fear. They were shocked when I said “I want her”


In the following months Jewel transformed into a sweet loveable lap cat. She would nuzzle her face into my neck, my arm, my chest and pur loudly. She became a comforting weight against my body as she snuggled into me every night for 21 years. She moved with me 12 times, across the country twice, saw the addition of another cat, and three dogs as well as that of my daughter.



The last year was hard as I watched her become smaller & less mobile. She stopped grooming herself as she took its toll on her.


On Christmas Eve my roommate texted me to see if I was still awake and my heart sank knowing something was wrong. I went in and she was laying on the bathroom floor in a puddle of pee unable to get up, seemingly unable to see anything. I wrapped her in a towel and took her to my bed tears pouring down my face. For the next two hours I snuggled her and talked to her wondering if she could even hear me or knew I was there. She took a last shaky breath and was gone.

My heart cracked and I couldn’t stop the outpouring of pain even after I woke my daughter. I wrapped her in a blanket and my roommate buried her outside my wi sow the next morning as hid in the shower and let go of the tears I had fought back all morning during gifts and breakfast.

I know Christmas will forever be shadowed by the loss of my fur baby, and though my heart will forever have a piece missing  I feel so thankful to have rescued her because I needed her just as much as she needed me.



Posted in Family, life, Uncategorized

Is this Love

E was another fitness guy into working out, nicely built. We met online and chatted for a while though I didn’t think anything would come of it because he lives two hours away from me.

March 12, after 4 weeks or so of chatting My daughter was staying at grandmas so I accepted a last minute date from T; He stood me up. Right about then I was like eff it I am child free and feeling adventurous I’ll drive to Phoenix.

I texted E and it almost didn’t start. He was a bit put off that I had been stood up, thinking I had put him in line. I explained it was a last minute date, and I honestly was unsure cause he was in a different city. He said I surprised him by being honest and he would come down.

I killed time at Dunkin Donuts before meeting him at my old hole dive bar stomping ground. I was instantly attracted to him.  He was more a pretty New York Bronx boy, with a heavy chain around his neck, and diamond studs in both ears.  We had shots, played pool, laughed and talked and tried to dance but shots of patron …. Need I say more. Yes we stayed the night together and the next morning not only did I not regret it, I wanted more.

We talked and texted throughout the week. I made arrangements to have an entire weekend to myself. I drove up Friday arriving way early due to excitement and anticipation. After sitting in a parking lot for over two hours, unable to find an single hotel in his city we decided to drive back to mine,  get a room and get drunk. We stayed until Sunday afternoon, leaving only to go next door to circle k and to grab food once. That weekend is where dreams come from, what movies are inspired by. We spent very close to the entire weekend naked, watching movies, he played his guitar for me, we talked, snuggled,had mind blowing amazing sex, more than I thought was even possible in one weekend. We just couldn’t get enough of each other, couldn’t stop touching each other. We talked about what if I am the one he’s going to marry, would I like to go to New York to meet his mom down the road,  maybe he should move or I should move to be closer together.!Sunday left me with a feeling of longing even before he left, and the moment we went our separate ways his presence was missed. He has been the first thought in my mind each morning as I am greeted by his good morning texts, the last each night as I drift to sleep wishing I was in his arms.

Things continued much like this for the next six month, mostly staying at my house but occasionally staying at a hotel in his city.  Then things started to shift. I knew he had fallen for me and I was crazy about him yet his behavior, actions and words were not matching. He seemed to pull away a bit, didn’t want to do anything with my daughter. There was some lies that came to light, some weird behavior. I chalked it all up to he was scared. We went to six flags for my birthday and had an amazing weekend. I went out of state as did he to visit our families. Upon returning he showed up very late and left very early the next morning. I tried to talk to him but it didn’t work very well. I wrote him a letter addressing my concerns, what I wanted and needed. A few days later I was in a bad car accident and lucky to be alive. That weekend he bailed on coming to see me and it came out that he was put off by my letter, felt backed into a corner and he didn’t like it. After a few more brief conversions he ended things.

We talked briefly over the following 7 weeks, usually short and pleasant “How are you doing?”, “Hows work?” I missed him and had feelings for him but accepted things and moved on. I started dating again. Life was good.

Then out of the blue E texted me and the weirdest conversation of my life took place. Basically he wanted to know if I had slept with anyone, was I okay with him sleeping with someone else and so on….Eventually I realized he was fishing and he told me I was right and deep down he loved me, and he was scared. He said it would be great to see me again said he hated the drive down and was seeing someone. He asked me what I thought of it and offered to send me a picture. It turned into a great conversation such as I’d have with an old friend but left me with mixed emotions, angry that he threw this on me now, angry he wasted what could have been great. What could have been because I don’t know if I will ever forgive him for hurting me the way he did, and I don’t know if I could ever trust him to not run when things get hard. Also because I’ve realized he can’t give me what I want, or what I need. He’s the only person I’ve ever met who makes me feel like a stranger to myself.

Posted in Dating, relationships

In another liftime

T was great looking, a weight lifter with a fantastic build and a slight bad boy look. He was smooth, charming, and full of cheesy jokes that always kept me laughing. His sexual skills earned him the nickname Sex God. He had positions that made me question if he read karma Sutra in his free time. He was very affectionate, always touching me,be it rubbing my leg, massaging my foot etc. We had an amazing chemistry and both agreed we had never had this with anyone else.

However, he was hot and cold. He has no sense of time, and commitment issues. He was really into me then disappeared for a few days, he said he’s broken somehow, that the better it gets the more he screws it up. We quit seeing each other when I started dating E. After E & I split we starting talking again. This time around it feels a bit different. He is more focused on me, more sentimental. The sex a slower more emotional pace. I know he has feelings for me but will not commit.  That along with his complete lack of a sense of time, and only working here and there doing handyman jobs means most likely no future.

In another lifetime we’d be great together.