Posted in life, parenting

Goodbye to our breastfeeding journey

    From the moment I became pregnant there was never a question of bottle or breast. The thought of formula never once even crossed my mind. 

     Lovebug had reflux, as well as an intolerance to the protien in dairy and soy which is passed thru breastmilk so at 7 weeks I cut out all dairy and soy. The thought of giving up was still never a thought I had. There were days, even weeks when I felt like she was on the boob all day and some of them she really was! I learned to ignore other peoples’ discomfort when I happily nursed, without a cover, in reastruants, parks, and even once while sitting on an endcap in target. After all I was comfortable and so was my daughter. 


      My goal was two and yet her birthday came and went with no end in sight. Lots of people asked “really, you are still nursing her?”, “isn’t she off the boob yet?” And an array of other questions which faded when they realized I really did not care what anyone thought and was going to follow my gut to allow her to self wean. 


Over time she became too busy to nurse during the day other than to go to sleep. I grew too tired to nurse in the night and slowly night weaned her around 2 1/2. Her night time nursing became just a few minutes. Nap time nursing went away as she began to fight sleep until she won, gaining a second wind or fell asleep where she was. I savoured our morning nursing sessions, breathing in her sent, gazing into her eyes, feeling her hot weight against me as she rolled the skin of my breast between her fingers, feeling her heart beat in sync with mine. 


Her third birthday came and went. An age when I thought I would no longer be comfortable nursing her. Yet it felt no different nursing her after her birthday than it did before so we continued. 

It felt like I had been nursing her forever and it would never end yet it felt like I blinked and my tiny baby became a toddler winking at me before drifting off to sleep while nursing. She was Only nursing about two minutes before bed. She began to tell me there was Only a sip of milk, sometimes no milk. Her latch changed, I lost what was left of my milk. For a month she dry nursed to sleep, while I clinched my teeth, skin crawling. I did it because it was two minutes of wanting to jump out of my skin vs two hours of screaming, because I knew the end was near, because I knew she was not ready yet even if I was. She would fall asleep on the couch, or latch then instantly say she was done and go to sleep on her own. 

And then it happened. We went to bed and she latched, let go and told me she didn’t need boobie anymore. That was 8 days ago. 

3 years, 4 months, and 12 days. 

It’s not bittersweet, I’m not sad. I’m satisfied. I’m proud that I surpassed my original goal, that I let her choose and wean when she was ready. I feel thankful for the experience and everything it brought with it, for all I learned, for the moments I would otherwise not have had and for the amazing bond it nurtured between us. 

Posted in life, Pets

It’s a 💩 kind of day

So for Those who have not followed me I have a 7 mo old puppy who is potty training, a 19 yr old dog who is beginning to loose bowel control/ability to hold it as is my 21 yr old cat. Also the puppy eats poop. 

I happily woke up after the sun today and got distracted while going pee checking my Facebook. No biggie as I had just let the dogs out right….WRONG!!

Lovebug comes running in to infom me the puppy pooped in the play room. I grab some paper and my old dog goes running by me leaving a trail of giant poop turds. 

The puppy did not poop she had direah all over my freshly shampooed carpet, and my kitchen. As I’m cleaning it up she proudly comes running in with a big dog turd in her mouth that I missed. As I was walking to the bathroom to wash my hands the cat pooped in the hallway. 

now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to brush the puppy’s teeth. 

Posted in friends, life, relationships

From dating to..creeping…

   So I met this guy in a parenting group; single dad, teenager at home, full time mechanic, owns a house and a car. He seemed like he could be a good friend, someone to have fun with. I was very upfront about everything, and that I’m just looking for fun, that I’m an attached mom and don’t leave my daughter a lot so mostly daytime stuff and occasional evenings. 

He asked me to meet him yesterday at the park, we could feed the ducks, talk. He texted me he was running late, no biggie. 

I overlooked the fact he showed up filthly. I thought he would change and clean up after work but whatever. He proceeds to tell me his “story”.  He was a truck driver, came home early and his wife was kissing another man on the front porch. He bashed the windows, headlights etc. on the guys car and said he would have gone after the guy next except his wife and kids were freaking out. Can we say anger issues? 

Next he reveals he has 12 children. 12!!! I have no clue if they are all with his two ex wife’s or not but 12! And he wants more.

He proceeds to tell me how he came home from work the other night and his 14 yr old was in bed with his girlfriend and her two best friends but his son said not to worry cause he was safe and oh by the way needs more condoms. And he thinks it’s awesome.

I gracefully bow out and hop in my car to leave when he shoves himself thru my window and hugs me. I think it was meant to be a kiss that  I managed to avoid.

In the 24 hours since then I have recieved 11 texts from him including one at midnight and one at 2 am, even though I have replied to none. He has informed me he is bored, would Love to have breakfast with me because he misses waking up to someone, that he is buying an SUV that is the same as mine, asked me to go to Vegas for the weekend in two weeks and asked me to come over tonite because he is feeling lonely and would like to feel my warm body against his while we watch a movie. 

I sent him a message telling him I don’t think we are on the same page, that xyz were red flags/made me uncomfortable and he wants to know  “well do you still want me to talk to you or not?”