Posted in Family, life, parenting

A taste of toddlerhood

T announced yesterday that he’s exhausted because all evening Lovebug just wants him and with her newfound threenager stage it’s overwhelming.

Today, after 2 trips to the store already, I ran out of eggs while baking hawiian  banana bread (4 loafs!)  As I was surrounded by flour, oil, mashed bananas and had two loafs already in the oven he volunteered to run and get eggs and sunblock and of course Lovebug had to go too.

After approximately an hour (the store is 3 minutes away) he came in the house with a look on his face. Lovebug showed me her new ball and said she was a brat at the store. T expanded and it went something like this;

She wanted to drive her hello kitty car to the store and it took ten minutes to convince her to get in the Tahoe because it was too far for her to drive in her car. Then she wanted to stand up and look at the window so it was another five minutes before we actually left. She saw princess bandaids right as we walked in and wanted them cause she is out so I said okay. Then of course she had to pee and there was some guy taking a dump in the only stall in the men’s room and she didn’t understand I can’t go in the women’s bathroom. Someone offered to Stand at the door to the woman’s finally and I took her pee. Then coming out of the bathroom she saw the big stand of balls and wanted one cause she doesn’t have a Minnie Mouse one. I told her she ha to pick the ball or bandaids so she got the ball. I grabbed eggs and sunblock and we went to check out. She wanted candy and I told her no because she had a ball and Gatorade. She basically melted after that. And to top it off we got in the car and she started crying that the scrape on her knee hurt and she wanted a princess bandaid which we didn’t get. So yea.

At this point I’m trying not laugh and thinking welcome to parenthood when she comes in and throws her ball in the trash and says she doesn’t want it because it’s dirty. I almost peed my pants from laughing.

Posted in life, parenting

Sometimes being a parent sucks 

     In the calm quiet morning, Lovebug peacefully sleeping while I sip coffee and watch the birds at the feeder you would never guess that yesterday a storm raged on. You would never guess that yesterday was my most challenging day as a parent and that I broke down in front of my daughter and cried my heart out for several minutes while she patted my back. 

       Love bug has just turned three last week and already i know that terrible 2’s have got nothing on my threenager. ( my 3 yr old teenager)

       She wants wants to do what she wants, when she wants without interruption. She expects things to appear the minute she demands them. And hell hath no fury like Lovebug being told no! She screams and throws a mean tantrum. She hits me, she has started biting me. Her favorite phrase is “mean mommy” followed by “stupid woman”.  She will argue, try to negotiate, pretend not to hear me, and flat out tell me no or “don’t tell me that!”. Be it that I tell her to clean up or interupt her make believe play to ask what she would like for lunch. 

    Last Friday she started antibiotics for double ear infections, along with a nasty head cold. Wed she was playing outside and got a few mosquito bites which she had an allergic reaction to. (silver dollar sized & bigger, blistered in the center surrounded by an angry bright red welt) One of her ear drums ruptured yesterday. So add all that to her newfound attitude and it spells nightmare! She was a screaming mess from the moment she woke up and bedtime could not come fast enough. Everything was wrong even if it’s what she wanted. For example she wanted to hold the cat but then had cat hair in her shirt, she wanted a grilled cheese but not want me to cook, she wanted chocolate milk but did not want me to put the chocolate powder in it.

It was my hardest parenting day and most trying. Laying down to put her to bed I whispered to her ” it’s a miracle you made it thru the day” Half asleep she stroked my check and said “I love you mommy, you are my favorite” 

Posted in Family, life, parenting

Here’s to us 

This time 3 years ago I was in early labour. I was excited and sad. My dream of becoming a mom was about to come true yet it was was not with the love of my life but a Man whose relationship  with was a sinking ship. As I thought of the past I silently mourned. I mourned It would not be the love of my life holding me while I birthed Lovebug, that it would not be his daughter. I mourned the relationship  I knew was crumbling around me.

Right now I’m laying with my sleeping daughter in my arms, her sweaty head full of curls on my shoulder, Her soft hot little body is pressing against my side and her bright pink and green toes on my thigh. And tears are silently falling down my cheeks. Hot, salty and bittersweet.

In the past three years I have fought and gone thru postpartum depression, left an abusive relationship, been without a place to call home, fed my daughter with food stamps, begged and borrowed to get by, lost more than one job, been a single mom, had “friends” desert me, realized my very best friend wasn’t, accepted help from strangers in my moms group, hid in the shower and cried, felt like a failure, hated myself, been jealous, angry and truely afraid.

BUT ……I have learned I’m stronger than I ever thought I could be. I found courage, love, a second chance, happiness and joy. I learned people are for the most part good and willing to help. I found my inner strength, my priorities, myself. I have laughed, loved, and forgiven. I found a best friend who is so dear to me. I realized an acquaintance; someone I barely knew was an Absolutly amazing friend who truly was there.

Looking at my daughter; I am a great mother, amazing even. She is smart, loving, affectionate, independent, hungry for knowledge, creative, sensitive, funny, perceptive, empathetic, outgoing and fierce.  She is unscathed by the past three years. They may not have been how I wanted them but they are gone and I’m still here. Today things are not perfect; I am unemployed and having a hard time finding work, I’m stressed and struggling to make ends meet but at the end of the day It’s okay. I have a roof over my head with a beautiful view, I have food, we are safe, we are loved, we are healthy. It may not have happened the way I planned but I have T and Lovebug.

So tomorrow is not just a celebration that Lovebug will be 3. It is also my celebration of becoming a mother, and of the past three years.