Posted in life, parenting

Self love

(Warning; contains nudity)

Loving yourself is not always easy, loving your body Is even harder with constant images from society that tell you how you are supposed to look.

I have struggled with my weight and hated my body my entire life. No matter what I have always come back to the same weight; it’s as if my body is secure at that weight, even if I’m not.

My first photo shoot with jade beall was a semi nude shoot when my daughter was just 5 weeks old.

I was elated. She was my dream come true and I was 60lbs lighter than I had been the day I found out I was pregnant.  I loved my body, leaking boobs and all.

When my daughter was 13 months old I left an emotionally abusive relationship with her dad. Then just weeks later she diagnosed with a neurological condition after a few scary days with seizures and an icu stay.

We are just landing on our feet. I am just now finding my way back to myself, to happiness.

To celebrate I did another shoot with Jade Beall. I fought the urge to cancel several times and felt sick to my stomach all the way there. I have gained back the 60lbs, my breasts still leak but are soft and saggy now. My stomach a squishy ball. My arms flap. My thighs rub. Most of my body is patchy from exzema and marked by faint stretch marks.

 

When I look in the mirror I see my flaws, I see what the public would say about my naked body. I hear the echo of my ex telling me he wouldn’t stare at other women if I wasn’t such a fat ass. I hear that I’m not slim enough, not pretty enough; not enough.

I still don’t like the image I see and I’m working on it. I remind myself that my body created a perfect human being and still nuroushes her. I remind myself that I have been thru a nightmare come true and I’m still standing.

Surrounded by women who all have their own stories to tell I found peace. I watched my daughter running naked and free. I watched all these naked women smile nervously and non judgingly. We are all unique yet we are all the same. And we all deserve to be loved exactly the way we are especially by our selfs.

All photos are copyright Jade Beal and may not be used in part or whole without permission.

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