My daughter bit me and for a split second I lost control and I bit her back. She was over it pretty quick but I still feel guilty and want to cry. Why did she bit me you may ask…. Because she’s two. If you have a toddler that’s all the explanation you need but if you don’t have a toddler because she was tired, frustrated, feeling Un heard and lacked the ability to verbalized these overwhelming feelings.
This just added to the feeling I have been having lately that I don’t give her enough quality time. That she’s missing me and I’m missing out on her. I deleted all my Facebook groups and try to only be on my phone when she’s asleep. I really do. I have read all the studies and know all about the gentle, attachment parenting. But honestly sometimes I don’t want to stop what I’m doing and give her my undivided attention because I just want want to watch an episode of the one tv show I actually watch. And that just makes me feel worse.
I’m a single mom and I work as a nanny so my daughter goes with me to work. That should mean loads of quality time…. I try to cram all my housework Into one day and cleaning at work Into one day but there’s never enough time. I have two dishwashers to unload and reload, two kitchens to straighten up, two playrooms to pick up, I make breakfast, lunch and dinner along with snacks and try to keep it all balanced and healthy every single day. I’m also trying to be healthier myself and exercise everyday. In addition to this I have myself and my daughter to get ready every day, two toddlers to entertain & put down for naps.
I’m in a few moms groups yet seem to never actually make it to any meetups. I have a few friends still that I somehow almost never see and one I swear to you I have only seen once a year for the past three years. I have been told to lighten up and leave her for the night but I feel guilty leaving her because that’s more time I’m not giving her. I try to leave the dishes or let the laundry pile up but I’m OCD and it causes me stress and anxiety.
Being a single parent is hard, soo hard. It’s non stop, like you never get a break. Never. Ever. It’s all me, all the time. I sometimes think I should start a single parents club, my own moms group for single moms but then I remember much like this blog it requires time that I just can’t seem to find. I mean there are only 24 hours in a day after all.