Posted in parenting

Choosing not to have children

I was recently asked what I thought when people said they didn’t want to have children. My initial thought was I feel sad for them because they have no idea what they are missing out on. Yes parenting is hard and life changing but it’s amazing. The hugs, kisses, the pride when they accomplish something on their own, their sweet laughter, being able to kiss away their tears… I could go on and on.
But then I stopped and thought about it further. The scary number of children who are abused, and neglected. The number of people who have children but don’t want them.
For me it was not a choice, not a question. It was something I had dreamed about, looked forward to for most of my life. But what about those who did not have that drive or calling. And I thought about what it would take to go against what is expected if you are in a stable long term relationship, what is considered normal. Also what it would take to recognize that you are not parenting material and that you truly would not be good for a child.
And I have to say…….thank you. Thank you for recognizing that in yourself, for standing up for who you really are because there are more than enough parents who should not be parents and sadly more unwanted children than there should be.

Posted in parenting

Failing as a parent- I challenge you

The last few weeks have been hard as I’m settling into life as a single parent with no help & not even the tiny breaks I used to get.
Some days I feel like I’ve been going 100 miles an hour all day. Lately I feel life has caught up with me and I’m exhausted. My life has been consumed by cleaning, cooking, laundry, driving in holiday traffic, making sure my bills are paid, appointments, making sure my daughter is fed, has a clean diaper and doesn’t get hurt which seems to be a daily occurrence and sadly my smartphone.
The past week I’ve realized that while I’m meeting her physical needs I’m missing out on the now. I’ve been focusing on the have to and not taking time to enjoy the snuggles, kisses, and just play.
This led me to look around at other moms and I was shocked by what was revealed by simple conversation & observation. Pot smoking, excessive drinking, anti depressants, Xanax, Valium, Yelling & spanking all seemed normal ways of dealing with their little people. Little people who on closer observation where just being their curious, adventurous, little people selfs seeking out the affection, approval and attention of their beloved mommies.
I understand some days are really a challenge in parenthood and some children are more challenging than others. Everyone deserves a break & needs time for themself.
But what would happen if we all put our phones down, turned off the tv, and agreed to spend only a certain amount of our little peoples awake time each day doing errands, housework, the have to’s. What if we spent the rest of the time on our child’s level engaging them, interacting with them and giving them our full attention living in the now and just being with them?
My guess is the other vices wouldn’t be needed so much, mommies would be happier and more productive in their time and little people would be happier too.
That is what I’m challenging all moms for at least 30 days and maybe it will become a new happier way of life for you.