Posted in parenting

Wait a minute…..Whose child is this anyway

I was a nanny for 12 years, a doula for four and I consider myself an expert when it comes to children but I do not claim to be better than anyone else or to know everything. Every child, every family and every situation is different therefore every way of doing things is different. Yes I have offered suggestions based on my experience or research or education but I am proud to say I have never criticized or put down anyone for their parenting choices and never will unless they are harming or endangering that child.

Recently I wet nursed a friends child while she was in surgery and by accident posted a picture of me tandem nursing both mine and her daughters. I was proud that I was able to help a friend, comfort her baby and share those moments with her daughter but the comment I received  got me thinking…. when did it become okay for someone to tell another person what is best for their child. When did it become acceptable to criticize a mother for doing what they in the moment thought was right or to the best of their ability. Before I had my daughter I was blind to this negativity. I was unaware that having a child gave everyone else permission to tell me how much to feed them, where to put them to sleep, how much to hold them, and on and on….   I’d like to be very clear. This is my child. If you want to be in charge, have your own child. And no I’m sorry I don’t care what you do for a living, what you went to school for or how many degrees you have. When and if I want you telling me what/when/how I will ask you.

My daughter hit the 90th percentile by her 5 day app with the pediatrician. Yes she is a big girl, yes I feed her on demand. No she does not need to go on a diet, unlike you she doesn’t stuff big Macs and French fries in her mouth when she is not hungry. She eats when she is hungry and stops when she is full and is exactly the size that she is meant to be. No this does not mean she will grow up to be fat.

Yes I breastfeed. Yes I breastfeed on demand, whenever she is hungry, regardless of where we are or what we are doing. No I do not use a cover, a blanket or go in the bathroom. No I don’t care if you see my breast, they are meant to feed my child and I dare you to say something negative. Yes she has teeth and can eat. No I don’t know how long I will nurse her for. That is between me and her.

Yes I selectively vaccinate. I do not chose what vaccines to give based on what I saw on TV or what everyone else is doing. I research, I read the facts, I discuss it with my pediatrician and I make decisions I can live with because it is my responsibility.

Yes my daughter sleeps in my bed with me and hubby, all night long and has since day one. No I am not scared I will roll over on her and kill her in my sleep. No she will not sleep in my bed forever. Most mammals’ sleep with others. Even the majority of adult humans sleep with another person. It is not natural to sleep alone so why should I expect my baby to sleep in a room completely alone when I don’t. Again I have read and researched the facts. And though it is none of your business no she does not interfere with mine and my husband intimate relationship.

No I do not and will not ever let her “cry it out”. I wear her, I hold her and have almost constant physical contact with her. When I don’t my hubby or my mom does. Yes I get things done, I clean, do laundry, cook, shop etc…

Yes my daughter will grow up to be a strong, independent, secure and happy woman most likely hard headed and very opinionated like her momma and I am just fine with that.


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